


Sounds Of History

by Nirmalneaners



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alot of hurt, Angst, Angst and Feels, Conversations, Depressing, Emotional Hurt, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Steve, Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Being Tony, Tony Feels, im sorry, post cival war, verbal self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 21:23:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15894396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nirmalneaners/pseuds/Nirmalneaners
Summary: He didn't think. I never do, he thought bitterly, pinching his lower lip with his fingers. A personality trait that he should probably fix, but if he started down that route it would never end. Nothing about him doesn't need fixing, he's just a broken part that's somehow still running. He stared at the table, listened to the static in his ear, caught the soft sigh on the other end. He didn't think."Tony?" Was finally whispered, after 5 minutes of silence he decides to speak now? There was another pause, the voice came back a little stronger. "It's been a long time."





	Sounds Of History

He didn't think. _I never do_ , he thought bitterly, pinching his lower lip with his fingers. A personality trait that he should probably fix, but if he started down that route it would never end. Nothing about him _doesn't_ need fixing, he's just a broken part that's somehow still running. He stared at the table, listened to the static in his ear, caught the soft sigh on the other end. _He didn't think._  
  
"Tony?" Was finally whispered, after 5 minutes of silence he decides to _speak now?_ There was another pause, the voice came back a little stronger. "It's been a long time."  
  
_Been a long time?_ He gritted his teeth, felt the tension in his cheeks start to ache at the pressure. He sounded the same. A little wearier, a little sadder maybe. But his voice still carried that unchallenged righteousness that Tony once looked up to, but not anymore. He realized long ago that there was a difference between righteousness and intransigent. He should have thrown the phone away, but he didn't. He should hang up.  
  
"I saw you in the news the other day," Tony listened to the strain in the words, but he couldn't bring himself to reply. He found himself focusing more on the fact Wakanda even received outside news. Maybe Steve wasn't even there anymore? No, of course, he was still there. "You looked good, you're looking good, I mean."  
  
He wasn't. He hadn't been good since the cave, and maybe he pondered, that's why Steve couldn't tell. _But he should know,_ Tony growled in his mind, _of course, he fucking knows_. He let his hand fall from his face to lay on the table, started to tick his finger against the glass with a hollow thud. He didn't know why he rung. It was a mistake to add to the long list already weighing him down, and he could feel the added weight threatening to drag him under even when he was already fighting to try and stay above the surface. He had been backed into a corner for so long he did the toniest thing he could, he grabbed the phone just to add insult to the injury.  
  
"Hows Colonel Rhodes?"  
  
" _You_ don't get to fucking ask that." he snapped, surprising himself. He never called for a conversation, he wasn't going to speak. He was lying to himself, he knew. _Why else would I have rung?_  
  
There was soft breathing in his ear and he imagined hot breath heating his skin on every exhale. Picked the feeling from memory, could imagine the smell of mint toothpaste that he remembered Steve had used. He hated how it still made him tingle, how he laid his hand flat on the glass and stroked the cold surface. It shouldn't affect him, he wished it didn't. _But it did_. He knew it always would.  
  
"Was it worth it?" he whispererd after awhile. He couldn't muster up the strength to show his anger in the words. He was too tired, always tired lately. He didn't feel much of anything anymore.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
He hummed at that, sniffed a little and let Steve think it over. He knew it wasn't fair to ask, nothing was as straightforward as yes or no. He couldn't find it in himself to care, though. He knew Steve would answer if he waited long enough, that was just the type of man he was.  
  
"He was my friend." Was eventually said lowly, and this time Tony couldn't ignore the desperation in his tone. He sounded broken.  
  
"You know," he chuckled, an empty sound even to his own ears. He screwed his eyes shut and tilted his head deeper into the phone. His finger started tapping again. "I feel like I've heard this before. Might just be my imagination, though."  
  
_"Tony."_  
  
"No, no. How did it go again?" he knew his chuckle was turning a bit manic. A little too loud, a little too happy. He just couldn't _stop_ , it was all leading up to one big punch line. _It hurt._ _"So was I?"_  
  
Steve didn't reply, not that Tony expected him too. He dug the knife in deeper, desperate to feel the pain. He thrived off it. "But do you know what makes it even more hilarious, _Stevey boy?_ He was your friend, I was your _lover._ "  
  
He catches a hitch of breath and it echoes in his eardrum like a pin. The sound tears at him in just the right way, ripping into him more painful than any shield. This was why he called, he realized, reveling in the self-inflicted pain only one person could really stir up to matter. He had wanted to _hurt_ , and using Steve was the only way to truly break him. Because that's what they were like, wasn't it? They were either the best or the worst with each other, either arguing or getting along. Rough or soft. They knew how to hurt each other, the only difference is Tony is the only one who would use that against Steve.  
  
He felt his eyes start to burn as his laughter choked off, he could imagine Steve sat on his bed, a hand over his eyes on the other end of the phone. What was it Romanoff put in his personality review? Self-destructive tendencies, that was it. Glad he could live up to someone's expectations.

He heard Steve hesitate in the silence. “I never meant to hurt you, Tony,” he said softly.  
  
“You know what? Even after all of this I actually fucking believe you," He said back, pushing the knife in the last fraction. Because of course, he believes when Steve said that, he always believes anything the man says. He smiled into the phone, and he knew Steve could hear it in his voice, could hear the venom laced in his words. His knew this would mark them both. " _I forgive you._ "  
  
He breathes in and releases a shaky sigh, letting his smile drop. “But guess what? That doesn't mean you didn't," he whispered.  
  
He didn't bother waiting for a reply, the chocked off breath was more than he was expecting. He was hurt, he was bleeding and he had got what he wanted. A high of pain to survive another day. And Steve? Well, he could get over it, he certainly got over him quick enough.  
  
"Tell Bucky I said hi, won't you _steveybear?_ " he purred before hanging up the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> intransigent  
> 1.  
> unwilling or refusing to change one's views or to agree about something.


End file.
